finding mindfulness

"She wasn’t doing a thing that I could see, except standing there, leaning on the balcony railing, holding the universe together."


The Great November Detox – FOILED

You win, universe.

I feel like any time I embark on a health kick, I get really sick. For example, this summer I resolved to swim 4 days a week. Three days later I was diagnosed with pneumonia.

Fast forward to my attempt at a detox November, and I have such a bad sinus infection that the doc thought and antibiotic wouldn’t be enough. I’m now on a cocktail of approximately six pills a day, one of which is 875mg amoxicillin. DUDE, I AM NOT A HORSE. But, okay.

This is probably all those terrible eating/drinking/sleeping habits of mid Sept-Oct catching up with me. So, karma. Or something. Personally, I call shenanigans. Ain’t nobody got time for this.

BRB, Great November Detox is momentarily stalled. This may be more like “great fall through early winter detox,” which is not nearly as catchy but I’m sure all of the ten people that might read this won’t mind. And now, back to bed.

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The Great November Detox

When I’m stressed, I eat. Really poorly. Like, entire pies by myself kinds of really poorly. They say autumn is a season of transformation, so I’m going to hold November to its stereotype and hit a reset button. I’ve had a lot of personal setbacks over the past couple of months and haven’t been dealing with it well. I miss the me that had a consistent sub-28min 5K and the me that could, oh I don’t know, fit into her clothes. I feel entirely gross, and I intend to fix that.

So, November. No alcohol, and no processed foods. Hot yoga a minimum of 5 days/week and running a minimum of 3 days/week.

Ready go.

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New website!

I’ve been telling myself I was going to redo my website for a really long time, and I’ve finally done it. Go check it out!

Also. I’d love it if you would like me on facebook 🙂 I know that can be an annoying request sometimes, but I promise it’ll be worthwhile! I’m beginning a long process of branding myself as an artist and this is just the start!

To end with some mindfulness…this quote is particularly applicable to my life right now and I feel like it couldn’t be more true. Success is the best revenge, as they say.


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from texas, with love

 “Our behavior toward each other is the strangest, most unpredictable and most unaccountable of all the phenomena with which we are obliged to live. In all of nature, there is nothing so threatening to humanity as humanity itself.

– Lewis Thomas

You can never predict how another human being might change, no matter how close you are to them. Tides of feelings and thoughts and worries can sweep anyone away into a spiral of unintended and unwanted consequences. The next thing you know, the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with is an echo in the hall and a shadow of memory.

An empty slate can be painful, but it is always a blessing. There is no better place for new beginnings. And so I begin, again. If you read my blog, you’ll know I’m embarking on a solo journey and intend to stay that way for quite some time. But lately, despite my conviction that this is absolutely the right thing, memories of so many words-turned-broken-promises have been haunting me. They would flit around from corner to corner of my head, like a dark moth shedding a skin of loneliness.

Sunset from the middle of the Illinois cornfields.

No longer. This weekend, on the road for a gig in the middle of Illinois, I found my perfect distraction. Zero hope for stability or even reality: perfect. No clue if I’m remembering his name right: fine. But I wouldn’t trade the night I spent getting to know this quiet man for all the oil in Texas.

He was a tall, blue-eyed cowboy from Houston. The other girls had been eyeing him all day, but he kept mostly to himself. We bonded over the fact that my glittery gold phone case matched the finish on one of his guitars. Soft-spoken, he told me the difference between chew tobacco and dip. He bought me a beer post-show at a way-too-loud bar and we traded sips; I suppressed my dislike of IPAs. He made sure to introduce me to everybody we met, and pronounced my name perfectly wrapped in a warm Texas drawl. He lightly touched my shoulder or my arm when he leaned in to tell me something, and it was just enough to turn that moth into hundreds of butterflies.

Their bus left at 3am, headed to Tulsa.

“You are so beautiful. I’m so glad I got to meet you.”

I’ll probably never see him again. Love isn’t for me right now, but it’s nice to remember that it’s still alive and well in the world. Hey Texas: thanks for the butterflies.

From backstage: the corner of the gold guitar is in the foreground.

This post was originally published on Empress Tea.